Raison d’être

You can say that I’m quite a frequent traveler. Although I don’t travel really long distance like Kuala Lumpur -- Karachi, or Kuala Lumpur -- Beijing every weekend, in a month I would sure go back and forth from here, Cyberjaya and Kuala Kangsar my hometown.

Well, based on my observations here are a few tips for driving on the highway*

1. Signals are not some just flashy lights
I am really pissed at people who don’t know how to use the freaking signal. It’s like one of the simplest task you can perform while driving. Thinking that you can telepathically inform the guy behind that you’re changing lane will do you more harm than good. This is also applies for faggots that love to use the signal in the last moment, or even while changing the lanes. What’s the purpose of flicking the signal handle when you already are changing your lane?

2. Use the R&R. You paid for it.
If you’re tired and sleepy, A) slap yourself hard B) pull off an emergency 1-second brake or C) pull over at the nearest R&R. Yeah, those shiny toilets, you paid for them every time you get on the highway. Me myself had dozed off on the wheel and so far I’ve been lucky. Closing your eyes for 1 second while traveling at 120km/h means you’re traveling a few meters blindly, and if you’re only a few meters from the front car when it brakes, it spells d-e-a-t-h.

3. Radio is your friend
Blast that radio, make a copy of J-Rock or K-Rock songs that you don’t understand and sing along wawawawa in the car. Not only it would help kill your sleepiness but also keep your sane at bay during long journeys. There’s nothing more boring than traveling alone for hours on the same road in the same car. Unless you’re Jeremy Clarkson; or you have a hot chick or two keeping you company. Kekeke.

4. Invest in polarized filters
Girls almost always look prettier when wearing big sunglasses. It makes the face look smaller and cuter, and helps hide the eyes if they’re unlike Zooey Deschanel’s. Ok back to topic, polarized filters can make your eyes less tired when traveling in the bright daylight and it makes the world seems more beautiful IMO. Not only it makes everything looks like Photoshopped, sunglasses with UV and polarized filters also make it easier to see when it’s raining. You definitely can see clearer and further even under heavy thunderstorm.

5. Tyres, tyres, tyres
You have to understand the fact that your car or vehicle is a ground transportation. To move on the road, it uses tyres -- the only contact point between the car and the road. Imagine what happen if the only thing that connects you and the road, say, explode? It never happened to my car so far, but it certainly does to my dad’s and brother’s before. Before a long journey, make sure that you have enough pressure on all four tyres. Better yet, fill them with nitrogen instead of normal air because it lasts much longer even though it costs somewhere between RM2 -- RM6.

6. Flashers can go and die
I’m not against people who flash their high beam or cucuk-cucuk if they know what they’re doing. I do it, too but the rule is to know who to flash and cucuk and. If you’re driving a 660 Kancil and traveling 110km/h, please don’t flash a Camry traveling the same speed in front of you. In fact I think Kancil should be drove under 100km/h speed limit. I also despise those who flash the high beam when they’re like 500m away behind me. “Aku tau la nak ke tepi jap lagi. Tengah potong ni kot. Aduhhh.” And then there’s people who use high beam all the way aka. Xenon headlights -- freaking annoying enough said. What are you blind and wanting to blind other people too?

7. Don’t text unless you can keep eyes on road
Believe it or not, sometimes I do text using my iPhone while driving but it’s under a very strict condition. I memorized my pass code and the position of the SMS icon and the keyboard. With eyes on the road, I blindly tap my fingers through the imaginary icons and buttons with my eyes still on the road. But this method has a 40-60 chances -- with 40% your message  is not sent, and 60% chance of people replying back, “WTH do u sent me?”

People with non-touch screen phone have an advantage though, because they can feel the buttons and hence they can imagine typing the text much better. No matter how you do it, keep your eyes on the road at ALL times or just pull over.

8. Caffeine and Vitamin B12
It’s very important to keep your focus on the road. Usually when I’m traveling, I always make sure there’s a can of Nescafe in the car. So don’t ask me where I bought my Nescafe scented car perfume. I’m not used to Livita or Red Bull (Chuck Norris’ pee) because they taste odd -- when you graze your teeth afterward it feels like they’ve been polished, “kreukk.. kreuk..” Ooh I don’t like.

But if I own a Lambo or Ferrari, I don’t need anything on this list. Sheer driving pleasure is enough to keep me wide awake. And the money it costs will help me driving safely. Kekeke.