Raison d’être

TNB memang suka buat hal kan. Everytime aku balik rumah selalu sungguh terputus bekalan. Apa? Terputus bekalan?

Ok la, ye blackout. Blackout on Chinese New Year day some more I tell you.

Tengah borak-borak isu keluarga dengan saudara-mara lepas makan, pappp! Terus tak nampak batang hidung masing-masing, tinggal suara je. Tangan pulak tergapai-gapai cari candle dan torchlight.

Lepas tu bila dah pasang lilin semua aku dengar diorang semua macam tengah cari aku. “Mana Lan? Tadi ada sini. Mana Lan?”

Weh, tengah berry mana boleh bercakap la! Tak baik!

Tak dapat tengok TV tak apa lagi. Masalahnya di Malaysia ni 24/7 kemarau. Cikgu kajian tempatan kata: panas dan lembap sepanjang tahun. Hmm, bila fikir-fikir, panas dan lembap boleh pakai juga pada attitude rakyat Malaysia.

Jadi aku pun keluar la kejap nak ambil angin. Satu taman gelap gelita, cuma dengar suara-suara pakcik dan makcik jiran bersembang dalam gelap. Ya, kawasan kejiranan aku kebanyakannya cikgu-cikgu pencen je yang tinggal. Termasuk babah. LOL.

Lepas tu, aku terpandang langit.

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Masyaallah.

Automatik terbit air mata bila terfikir betapa insignificant-nya planet biru kecil ini dan segenap manusia yang berpuak-puak di permukaannya.

ps: Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosaku, dosa kedua ibu bapaku, guru-guru, rakan-rakan serta orang mukminin. Amiin.

Cinta itu lagaknya api,
Terlebih marak khuatir hangus;
Terkurang bakar padamlah api,
Biar berbara itu yang harus.

Cinta itu marathon jauh,
Kalau dipecut pitam di tengah;
Kalau berlenggang baik bersauh,
Biar seimbang jarak dan mengah.

:]

Now this is going to be a little difficult, so stay with me.

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second you are carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life and start with the little things the shelves, the drawers, the nicknacks: then start adding larger stuff, clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV – backpack should be getting pretty heavy now – and you go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home – I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.

Now i want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office, and then you move to the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets, your brothers and sisters, your children, parents, and finally your husband, wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend – and get ‘em into that backpack – feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake; your relationships are your heaviest components in your life. all those negotiations and arguments and secrets are compromising. The slower we move, the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live, symbiotically over a lifetime, star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans –

We are not swans, we are sharks.

- George Clooney, Up In The Air

Take a look in the mirror. Every morning, when you wash your face and brush your teeth, you’ll see the same person you see everyday.

You know him/her so well inside out. Yeah, inside out. Because you know what’s going on in his/her head. See, we can never ever really know a person – not even your husband, wife, parents or kids.

Every person in this world leads two lives – one that is inside their head, and the other that they project to the outside world in order to connect with other people and surroundings. When you think you really know someone, it’s actually just a fraction of who they really are that you’re seeing.

That life he/she leads in the mind, that’s what really a person is all about.

You come from a very difficult family, perhaps from a remote kampung far away from the big city. You’re a very determined young man, work hard and finally becomes successful. Very successful that you breathe money.

But by this time, you’re  already an old man. You had sacrificed your youth for that pursuit of happiness and by the time you are able to enjoy the fruits, you don’t feel the need anymore.

Years pass by, and uh-oh it’s time for you to die. So you leave your children an abundance of wealth. Truth is, those kids never ever know the word ‘hardship’ – hell, they even use $100 notes as napkin! So they grow up with the modal that you provided and become even more successful.

And because of that, their taste of victory is less sweet than that of their parent’s. Because of that, too, they forget that everybody is born naked, and will die likewise – literally or figuratively.

But of course, this scenario may apply to some people and some may not. The second group is less crowded.